Parenting: A Reference Summary

“All children behave as well as they are treated.” Anonymous

“I looked on childrearing not only as a work of love and duty but as a profession that was fully interesting and challenging as any honourable profession in the world and one that demanded the best that I could bring to it.” Rose Kennedy

Parenting — It’s the most important work many of us will ever do.

Over the weeks, you’ve read ten blogs on guidelines to improved parenting. Following are key reference points to use in your quest to raise healthy, respectful and happy kids.

SPANKING:
“Spanking does not teach inner conviction. It teaches fear, deviousness, lying and aggression.” Dorothy Corkhill Briggs

• You can be a better role model and more effective parent yet never spank. It is typically not helpful and, at its worst, spanking teaches hitting will solve problems.

ROLE MODELING:
“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better  be changed in ourselves.” C.G. Jung

• Kids model what they see! Being a good role model is the most important guide you can provide your kids.  You want a loving child, be a loving parent. You want a non smoker, don’t smoke. You want kids to use good language; you use good language. Continue lifelong learning to set an example of education for your child.

ATTENTION:
“Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it.” Jesse Lair

• It is what is most important to kids.
• Kids work to get the attention of their parents.
• They quickly learn bad behavior first gets attention and often is followed by getting their way.
• Give consistent praise for good behavior. Without children will increase misbehavior.
• Kids will learn appropriate behavior brings attention and privileges.

COOPERATION:
“We find what we expect to find, and we receive what we ask for.” Elbert Hubbard, editor, publicist and writer

• Doing what they are told is often the primary concern of parents.
• It could be helpful to count how often you child obeys.
• Praise is THE key way of attending to positive behavior.
• Tell children what to do when there is no option.
• Ask them when they have the option to say no.
• Give them time to start the activity.
• If they do not start in 30 to 60 seconds tell them again but more firmly.
• If they still do not cooperate use Time Out.
• If they break a rule use Time Out.
• When they cooperate…praise.

LECTURING:
“We live in an emotion-dismissing culture,” says John Gottman, Ph.D., author of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, “but if you build an awareness about your child’s emotions and your own, particularly an awareness of smaller emotions, then it may not be necessary for emotions to escalate.”

• Explaining over and over is rarely helpful. It gives to much attention to the inappropriate behavior and the child typically zones out. Parents will simply increase their own frustration and waste their breath.

PUNISHMENT:
“There is a strong chance that siblings who turn out well were hassled by the same parents.” Robert Brault

• It must not be dependent on pain, physical, mental or emotional; Punishment is only to help to decrease the unwanted behavior over time.

IGNORING:
“The prime purpose of being four is to enjoy being four – of secondary importance is to prepare for being five.” Jim Trelease, The Read-Aloud Handbook, 1985

• Used correctly a punishment stops attention for non-destructive undesired behavior, such as a tantrum.
• When ignoring is used, the behavior may get worse before it improves.

REMEMBER:
“The child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering.” Benjamin Spock

• Be aware of what workswith your child.
• Be thankful for the good immediate results.
• Be more focused on and aware of the long term results.

Parenting is hard work and conceivably the most satisfying hard work you will do.

Be present and enjoy this work.

Bill