I recently observed a grandson (30ish) “interviewing” his grandfather (mid 80s). It was most tender. The grandson would, with great interest and gentleness, ask grandpa about the distant past. He focused on the first, and then the second (and so on) car grandpa drove. While grandpa was initially reluctant, he warmed to the task. Eventually gramps would, with a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his lips, remember color and make of each car, size of the engine, how fast it went. Gas he said was only pennies a gallon. He noted the reputation he had as “Red”. Grandpa relished, it seemed, being a bit of a “bad boy” in these memories. Their relationship became closer as the old man could remember his youth with dignity and was energized with being a little out of his more recent “grandpa” and “great grandpa” character.

It occurred to me that often, when the old ask the young these same questions, it is seen as prying or criticizing. This interview had quite the different perspective. Part of the difference was the grandson asking honest questions. The grandson was genuinely interested. He wanted to hear of his grandfather; criticism was not part of his agenda.

Often when the older ask the younger the same questions, it is dishonest with the real meaning being “you were driving too fast” or you are being reckless. If too many dishonest questions are asked, then even when honest interest is intended, the questions become heard by the young as ongoing statements of criticism or prying. Communication shuts down.

What a nice conversation for this young man to have with an elder.
Real interest that nourished both. The foundation of honest questions and genuine interest was involved. These are great tools of communication.

After 34 years of clinical therapy practice in a community mental health setting, Bill Frederick opened his psychotherapy private practice. Frederick is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker specializing in counseling for individuals, couples and families.

His work emphasizes creating effective healthy relationships, managing stress management, marriage therapy, overcoming depression, anxiety, anger management, effective parenting, and chronic pain management. His work highlights the mind body importance and aligns with research that indicates improved mental health contributes to improved physical well-being. Hypnotherapy is a tool he uses. Frederick also provides life coaching, supervision for Social Workers and public speaking.

His practice characterizes the Solution Focused Therapy approach supporting client strengths and abilities to meet the client goals. He attends to and teaches quality of care, using state of the art therapeutic tools. During the last five years, Frederick is a “go to” leader in Indiana for teaching, training and using Solution Focused Therapy. He annually presents this reliable outcomes model at the Indiana State National Association of Social Work Conference and other statewide events. Other workshops include Great Parenting, Use of Stories in Therapy, and Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers.

Frederick received a Master of Science in Clinical Social Work at University of Tennessee, Knoxville, a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology at DePauw University. He completed post-graduate training in Individual, Family, and Marital Therapy. He serves as adjunct faculty at Ball State University, is a member of National Association of Social Workers (NASW), International Center for Clinical Excellence (ICCE), and Heart and Soul of Change Project, and is certified in the use of Client Directed Outcomes Informed Tools.

Bill Frederick, LCSW, is located at 1945 West Royale Drive, Muncie. Call 765.288.7939 to schedule appointments or request workshop presentations. For more information, visit Solution Therapy Center.