November 23, 2024

Posts Comments

You are here: Home / Blog

Parenting: PRAISE CHANGES EVERYTHING

April 26, 2011 by

“I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism.” Charles M Schwab
“Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it.”  Jesse Lair

How often do you, as an adult, feel good after receiving a small amount of praise, such as good job? How often do you use encouragement or praise with your child? My experience is many parents say they do this with high frequency but, in fact, do not.

This week you’ll learn about social reinforcement or more simply praise. Punishment will be reviewed next week.

In Parenting Sessions, the encouragement was paramount. It was a fun session and consistently influenced at least one family in a dramatic way by the next week.  At the end of class, I routinely predicted that by the next week someone would have dramatic change; it usually happened.

Social Learning Theory notes that behavior is influenced by the consequences of that behavior.  If something pleasant results from our behavior we are more likely to do it again. The positive behavior was reinforced. Thus reinforcers increase how often something happens.

For kids — there are all the encouragers we know, such as special food, staying up late, money, watching a particular TV show or time on the computer. The specifics differ for each child. Still in general, we know that parental attention is ultimately what’s most important for kids 2-12.

It is as if kids wake up with “I need to get my attention quota today;” if they do not get the attention for good behavior they will proceed to act out making sure that they get their quota. In fact, for some kids, the attempt to punish with attention (often in the form of long explanations, lectures) actually encourages inappropriate behavior; kids, after all, primarily want the attention.

Praise — how and when to use it! Praise is encouraging, supportive; these encouragers are a vital part of parenting.  Examples in using praise for kids:  going to bed on time, nice table manners, obeying, hanging  up clothes, brushing teeth, saying please, starting homework, continuing homework, picking up objects on the floor, talking or even disagreeing in a pleasant tone of voice, sharing, playing quietly, playing cooperatively — anything that is done in an agreeable manner.

Encouragers actively identify what to do and encouragement for doing it. It is in contrast to punishment which only addresses what to stop doing.

Praise has distinct advantages.

  1. Cost is free — no stars, nothing to buy
  2. Attention is handy — a parent always has attention with them.
  3. Positive Interaction — models desired behavior. Parents would come the next week and emotionally tell of now believing their children loved them. Or talk of their children praising them, Barbie or the dog.
  4. Self Confidence Improves — praise works wonders. Isn’t that how we all grow more confident when people we love appreciate something we do?
  5. Relationships Improve — who do we most often like? Generally it is people that say nice things to us. Then we look for their abilities, creating a positive cycle of interaction.

How often do you praise? As kids constantly get trophies for participation, you might wonder if it’s overdone.  It is hard to overdo.  Overdoing praise is rarely a part of ongoing problems. Let your child know about appreciation of honest effort and, of course, success. Do not over praise in the sense of saying you are the smartest or, the best. They generally know who is the smartest or the best; give more realistic and believable praise; it is more effective.

Small Steps: Don’t expect too much too soon. Know that for a first timer doing the dishes it is a many faceted job. Start with put the dirty dishes in the sink, follow with praise. Step two add soap and warm water; again follow by praise for good effort and successful completion. Add steps as needed. Success for your child, a step at a time is your goal.

As we did role plays, parents would try praise phrases like “thanks for finally doing what I told you to;” or “it is about time.” They might use a grumpy voice or shout from the other side of the room. At one level, praise seems simple; as with any new skill, practice is helpful to create ability.

So practice and follow these guidelines:

  1. Move close — within 3 feet
  2. Look your child in the eyes
  3. Smile
  4. Use a pleasant tone of voice
  5. Praise behavior, not the child. Good job putting your toys away not good boy.
  6. Touch — bump fists, hug, pat on the back. There is strong evidence that kids like pleasant touch.
  7. Do it now — praise immediately when positive behavior takes place. Don’t wait until the child begins something else.

Using these skills will make your communication more meaningful; help with exactly what you want when your kids are cooperating. The intimacy of this pleasant contact influenced the dramatic and rapid changes that occurred for some parents.

Remember: Start with Tell – Don’t Ask , then when cooperation happens, praise!

Do you wonder, “what about when the command and praise do not work?” Concentrate on the praise this week.

Next week: discussion of punishment

Bill

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

COOPERATION: Tell — Don’t Ask

April 19, 2011 by

“We find what we expect to find, and we receive what we ask for.” Elbert Hubbard, editor, publicist and writer

Do you wonder how the sequence of cooperation starts? Often it goes like this:

  1. Johnny (6 years old) would you cleanyour bed room?”
  2. Then often a few seconds later, Johnny would you pleeeese pick up your bedroom?”
  3. Finally, usually after more times of asking, in a loud voice: Go do it now; how many times do I have to tell you to pick
    up your bed room?”

This happens in the context of Johnny hearing their parents ask others (our spouse) for something; the spouse may reply with “no I am too busy right now.”

In addition, there are some contexts in which Johnny is asked to help in the kitchen; he can say “No, I am busy coloring” and that’s the end of it. In this example he had an option; in the first one he did not.

How can cooperation be initiated better?   Following are  guidelines:

  • Be specific — Pick up your socks and put them in the laundry. This is doable and increases the possibility of success.
  • One task at a time — Cleaning a room can be overwhelming. Cleaning a room is often several specific processes such as: Put your dirty clothes in the hamper. When that is done, then say: put these 6 toys on the closet shelf.  The younger the child, the more important it is to stick with one task at a time. The less often the child cooperates the more important this point becomes.
  • Give the child time to cooperate — Tell, then wait at least 30 seconds but no longer than 90 seconds before the next step. Parents often will tell a child to do a task and then tell again seconds later. For most tasks (the exception is if they need to stop something dangerous) give them at least 30 seconds to hear what you have said and to change gears. Giving longer than 90 seconds, introduces the legitimacy of the child’s excuse “I forgot.”
  • Tell don’t ask — you are in charge of your home;   some things are not optional. Just tell, eliminate the confusion. As adults, we can usually tell the difference  when our boss is asking for real or tells us using
    a question to make it more polite. This difference is not easy for kids. Which questions are they allowed to say “no” to and which ones are really orders? How can they know the difference? To further  complicate this, kids hear others asking and getting a NO response. If dad can say “no” why can’t I?
  • It is ok to “ask”— “Johnny would you please brush your teeth?”Just be willing to accept no as the answer. “No mom not tonight.”
  • Please is an ask word — Don’t use it when you are telling. Yes teach your kids to be polite but not by confusing them. When you are actually telling them, when they have no options, don’t use please.
  • Be close — Move closer to your child. Don’t tell from the other side of the room or another level of the house. Use a matter of fact, not harsh, voice. Ideally you want cooperation with a simple telling; so that is where you have to start.

This is the first step in cooperation. Remember to tell, don’t ask. Be patient and be pleased with small steps. Keep counting.

Next week: Focus on effective encouragement when children cooperate or just do something positive on their own.

Bill

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With:

Parenting Skills: Boring Baseline

April 12, 2011 by

“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” C.G. Jung.

This is the first in a sequence of blogs on parenting with practical, proven information to help parents in working with your children or to help professionals in working with families.

In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell writes that it takes 10,000 hours of focused practice to get excellent at a skill. Don’t you think parents get well over 10,000 practice hours?  Gladwell cautions that practicing the wrong things just helps us get set in doing it poorly; that is apparently how I do golfing.

Parenting Classes: What parents reported and learned:

As I taught parenting classes, parents were concerned about their child’s behavior, but rarely about their own. At the same time parents understood they had great influence on their child’s behavior.

Parents often claimed their child never obeyed. That was never the case. Some though reported only 2 – 3 obeys for the 70 instructions counted for the week. Parents were instructed to not show the count sheet to the child as typically just the act of counting improves behavior, at least in the short term.

Many parents were shocked by how often they were telling kids to do things. Some got through the 10 in the first half hour the children were up in the morning. Many were surprised by how often their child cooperated. Some children, whose parents claimed never did what they were told, actually cooperated half of the time. Just  noticing and counting was helpful for those parents as they noticed how often they were telling and had increased appreciation of their child’s cooperation.

As the class progressed, it was evident that when child cooperation got better, parenting skills had similarly improved.

Most parents want to be good parents and want their children to have cooperative and pleasant behavior. Practice: think about how much you practice parenting! To improve any skill or ability, you should know:  where you are starting, where you want to go, and what it will take to get there.

How do you know the level your skill or your child’s ability now? What is that baseline? Consider also about the specific outcomes that you desire.

Take the parent who says my child’s room is always a mess!

  • How do you describe clean?
  • How do you measure clean?
  • EXAMPLE: Specifying desired, measurable outcome
    • Deadline: 8PM —Toys are to be in toy box. then
    • Count the number of toys still on the floor at 8PM.
    • Do this daily for seven days, to get the starting point for behavior and baseline for progress.
    • IMPORTANT: baseline is absolutely necessary. Change is often so small that only by counting from a baseline is the change noticeable.

Are you ready to start on the next 10,000 practices for parenting? Are you ready to start improvement for you and for your child? What behavior do you want to see improve or change?

Please don’t pick the most difficult behavior of the most difficult child. The first step is to learn what you need to grow as a parent and later apply your growing ability to more difficult situations.

START NOW —DEFINE specifically the behavior you are concerned about. Most parents ended up counting cooperation…so that will be the reference of this blog.

  • Get your count sheet.  Do NOT show this to your child. It’s only for you.
    Count Sheet for Parents
  • For this beginning, you are doing only the baseline, counting what is now happening. Afterwards do whatever you would normally do.
  • Guess the number of times your child will cooperate this week.
  • Track the first 10 times your child is told to do something daily, this will be your baseline.
  • Continue this for one week

Ultimately parents wonder what outcome of cooperation is reasonable. What is ideal? Experts suggest cooperation 70% of the time is an excellent outcome. Cooperation at 100% would be a bit scary; after all we’re not looking to have children behave like robots. A little spunk and independence are good things. Cooperation 95% of the time, after the second tell, would also seem excellent.

At the end of the week you will have a total of 70 times you told your child to do something with a specific smaller number of times they cooperated. That will be your baseline or starting point.

Check back over the next weeks, continued information for improving your parenting skills and your child’s behavior will be discussed.

Next week: Tell Don’t Ask: Getting Cooperation Started.

Bill

 

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With:

PARENTING: SEVEN PROBLEMS WITH SPANKING:

March 30, 2011 by

“Spanking is an act of violence, so ethically, it could be justified only if there was absolutely another way to improve the way kids act.” 
Ken Gallinger, Ethically Speaking, Toronto Star

 “Spanking does not teach inner conviction. It teaches fear, deviousness, lying and aggression.”
Dorothy Corkhill Briggs   

What is discipline? The key definition of discipline: if behavior decreases over time; it is discipline; if not parents are just fooled with the seduction of short term responses that seem like success.

Recently I read a note on the internet that made me cringe. The essence was “thanks for the spankings. See how well I turned out; isn’t that what we need more of today with all the problems we are having with kids.” Responses essentially agreed.  

This is a narrow and short sighted view. It may be possible to use spanking in a way that might be helpful. However, having worked with hundreds of parents, that had no success with spanking their kids, and being familiar with studies about spanking, I strongly disagree. I would add many of these same parents are less than satisfied with how they turned out, having also been spanked as youngsters.

Following are seven problems with the use of spanking as a mode of discipline:  

  1. Guilt — the parent often feels guilty spanking their child; the result is soon afterwards they hold them and talk gently to them. Essentially the child learns that misbehaving means getting pleasant attention and maybe the spanking will be “worth it”. Interestingly the guilt is useful at its foundation, namely feeling guilty for hitting makes sense.
  2. Inconsistency — the parent’s guilt results in overlooking inappropriate behavior. A parent feels bad about hitting their child and seeing them cry. Then   the parent dooesn’t want to spank again; thus may not follow through with any discipline the next time that behavior happens. There goes consistency.
  3. Anger — whose needs are being met with spanking? In most cases, the behavior has happened again and again. Eventually the parent gets angry. The Result? Spanking is done because of anger, not the child’s actions.  Done with anger, the parent’s adrenaline can increase and abuse may occur. We know from the human flight or fight response that when fueled by adrenaline and cortisol, rationale decreases, energy intensifies. Spankings may become beatings.
  4. Rewards — there appear to be short term rewards for the parents. They feel like they have done something and the behavior may immediately stop; the parent is relieved, feels it “worked.”  Frequently though the behavior is repeated the next day and the next. The broader sense of discipline needs to be what helps in the big picture — in the long run. There is risk of falling in to the trap of the parent doing the same thing over and over, but continuing to get the same ongoing non cooperative behavior from the child.   
  5. Aggression — spanking does not bring people closer. It does not contribute to a loving relationship. It may create more belligerent conduct.
  6. Role Model — hitting to solve problems is not the role model most parents want. It seems particularly ironic and self defeating to use spanking to punish kids for fighting. This point is further complicated when spanker will use a weapon such as a belt, metal ruler or switch apparently thinking more pain makes it more useful. There is, by the way, no evidence that pain enhances discipline.
  7. Instability — spanking as discipline often indicates unbalance in the home. What happens is one parent (let’s say mom) says “wait till the dad gets home.”  Dad then becomes one to be avoided, the parent to fear. Mom may become the confidant, who often over looks misbehavior or befriends the child. The waiting is a problem.  By the time the spanking happens, the child is often cooperating, sharing, doing homework, and has forgotten about what he did that resulted in spanking.  In that child’s mind, it can feel like being spanked for doing good behaviors. Being excited to see dad come home also goes out the window.  

It is often presented that spanking, time out or some piece of parenting “works.” There is no one thing that parents can do that “works” all the time. Being an effective parent, is a combination of loving them, being respectful of them, being firm, being as consistent as possible, being a good role model and remembering that you are the constant for your children.

Parenting is hard work. Spanking presents major problems. You can be a better role model, more effective parent, and never spank.

Being a parent is the most important work you can or will do.

“All children behave as well as they are treated.” Anonymous

Bill

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

Parenting Evolution — the Changing Ideas

March 22, 2011 by

“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids.” Bill Cosby

For twenty years of my 34 year career in community mental health, I taught numerous Parenting classes. Parents came, once a week for the seven week class, to share, listen and find new ways to help with behavior issues and better understand their child.  

Another therapist, Dennis Bumgarner, and I created the class and usually co- led it. We did this until he moved to Indianapolis.

The class curriculum and approach changed over the years, as good classes should and as the presenter grows the class. It evolved from: 7 Rules of Parenting to 5 Guidelines of Parenting to General Ideas of Parenting. The impetus of the changes was the addition of children to my life.

Rules of Parenting was the essence of the first classes. Rules were outlined as: if your child does A — you respond with B. It was pretty cut and dry. I didn’t have children when we started the class. Then I married Katie and gained Beth, a daughter in my life. Becoming a parent changed my perspective on the class.

What followed was Guidelines of Parenting; If your child does A, and what you are doing is not helping, you could consider response B. It was gentler in terms of right and wrong response from parents, as the lines of what to do and when to do was less clearly defined. My daughter taught me that. The next perspective change came after my son Ben was born.

Ideas of Parenting came next. It presented a more practical, consistent method. When we offered ideas for parenting, it was not cut and dry. These ideas were given as: if your child does A and what you are doing is not helping, consider response B with the best consistency a parent could muster; if that was not helpful, think about or try response C or D. The class became more realistic to the nuances of parenting. It was more flexible.

With humbleness as I write future blogs, there will be ideas presented on parenting.  Parenting is, I believe, the most important activity that I have undertaken. I always hope parents recognize that for themselves. I believe this is what children deserve.

Unfortunately for some children, that is not always the case. As parents struggle with their kids, I counsel them to realize, “this is as good as it gets.” My intent with this statement is: parenting is hard and often fatiguing work, at times instantly noticed by kids with feet stomping or doors slamming. Yet, parenting is also the essence of life, with work and fatigue, which parents will likely remember in satisfying ways. The point is: why not enjoy it as fully as possible now, even the tough stuff?

All three structures of the class seemed helpful.  As the material was presented, another aspect grew: it became apparent that ultimately what is most important becomes the parent as a role model.

How do you handle day to day situations?  You want a loving child, be a loving parent. You want a non smoker, don’t smoke. You want kids to use good language; you use good language. Continue lifelong learning to set an example of education for your child. 

So as the blogs appear during the next weeks, consider them Ideas of Parenting not rules. I hope you will find them useful.

 Bill

Filed Under: General Tagged With:

“I Am a Social Worker” – National Social Work Month

March 15, 2011 by

March Recognizes Social Work Profession

“The best way to find your self is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Mahatma Gandhi

“Social workers practice human dignity, peace, social justice.”
NASW T-Shirt

I’ve taught undergraduate and graduate level classes in the field of Social Work at Ball State University and Indiana University Purdue University. Since 2004, I have presented annually at the Indiana Chapter Conference for the National Association of Social Work (NASW).

For years though, I was not a Social Worker. If people asked, I would say “I am a Therapist.” It was easier to explain and I thought that I had little in common with Social Workers.

Yet my degree, my ticket to work in the therapy field is the Master of Science, School of Social Work (MSSW) from the University of Tennessee. That is how it has been for most of my career.

I needed the ticket and the license (LCSW or Licensed Clinical Social Worker); I knew that social workers did most of the psychotherapy in Community Mental Health and much of psychotherapy in private practice. But still, I thought of myself as a therapist.

Then after studying with the best in the world on Quality of Care in Mental health, I wanted to teach this to others. I applied to do a workshop at the NASW annual Indiana training conference. They welcomed my participation.

I presented the workshop “Doing Effective Therapy.” I listened to other presenters, attended the key note speeches, and watched as Social Workers honored their own. I ate with other Social Workers, stopped at information booths, and talked with many.

Social Workers came from a wide variety of fields, well beyond my specific involvement with community mental health. I found them dedicated to adding value to people’s lives and felt lucky to be involved with them.

In graduate school we joked that “a social worker is what a social worker does.” Social Work is such a broad field and involves helping people in so many ways as to be mind boggling. Social workers are in hospitals, schools, nursing homes; working with the homeless, in mental heath centers and so much more.

It is an honorable, but little honored, profession. I now know what this social worker does as a therapist in mental health, while quite important, is a small sliver of the field. I am a member of NASW.
I am a Social Worker.
Bill

To learn more about Social Work check out the Indiana NASW web site  or the NASW national site.

Filed Under: General

Energy and Mental Health Review

March 9, 2011 by

Over the last six weeks, we have discussed energy and mental health with emphasis on the works of Tony Schwartz, author of The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working, and Jim Loehr, author of The Power of Full Engagement.  

Your mental health and energy are intertwined. Some key points of the blogs provide snapshots to jog your memory and help you on your path to managing Physical, Emotional, Mental and Emotional Energy.

  • ENERGY is the fundamental currency of performance. Without energy we have no life.
  • ENERGY includes physical activity, emotional connection, mental focus and spiritual alignment.
  • ENERGY is created from the bottom of the pyramid to the top but the motivation to change comes from the top down.
  • ENERGY capacity diminishes with under and over use.
  • INCREASE capacity by pushing beyond normal limits.  
  • CREATE positive rituals or good habits to cultivate capacity. 
  • BARRIERS to energy include negative habits that ultimately waste energy. 
  • YOUR Chronological age is fixed.  
  • YOUR Biological age can be modified with training. 
  • Training requires recovery. Most people are undertrained physically and spiritually (not enough effort) and over trained emotionally and mentally (not enough recovery).
  • ENERGY — The fundamental source is physical; the most important is spiritual or life purpose. 
  • Lifelong energy goals include:
    • Strongest possible physical pulse
    • Strongest possible emotional pulse
    • Strongest possible mental pulse
    • Strongest possible spiritual pulse
  • Take the energy audit: www.theenergyproject.com

Have you found this series helpful? Comment at this blog. Or go to Contact to give remarks through the form. 
Gain energy and be well.
Bill

Filed Under: Stress Management

Spirituality and Mental Health

March 1, 2011 by

“What is your quest?”  (Keeper at the bridge of death in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  “I seek the holy grail.” (response of Arthur and his knights.

Spiritual Energy, at the top of the pyramid, is about character, courage, integrity and asking what am I doing on this planet? What do I stand for?

It is a classic scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wpx6XnankZ8[/youtube]

“What is your quest…? I seek the Holy Grail.”

Think of the Holy Grail as your purpose on this earth. If we are not active with our “quest” and identifying our own Holy Grail, it will be difficult to get motivated to make changes in the mental, emotional and physical areas of the energy pyramid.

Remember while we need to create energy from the physical base up the pyramid, the
process of change is from the top down.

Think about yourself and those you know. You may be aware, for instance, of a woman who smoked until she became pregnant; then immediately she stopped, even having failed several times before. During the time of pregnancy, many women are clearly in touch with a greater purpose as they feel and know that life within them. No way will they smoke. Then some, not as physically connected with that life, will smoke again after delivery.

Similarly people who are depressed will seek therapy looking for words or medication to feel better, though they are acting outside of their established integrity and purpose.

A case in point: a person is having an affair; it is definitely against his/her moral code. There really are no words or medication to help. In fact, do feel bad if you violate moral, ethical and trust standards that you declare to stand for.

The essence of therapy then is to get in touch with what you stand for and behave congruently with your beliefs. Energy increases and mood improves when you act according to your standards.

Being in touch with your Holy Grail is a key. Religion may play a part in this. Religion may help identify what you stand for in terms of right or wrong. Connections with people who encourage, support and share a similar moral quest is important. Attending a church of choice may be part of that.

Your Holy Grail will have various parts: experiencing the joys of a grandparent or parent, connections with spouse or fulfillment of career.

My belief for my purpose is to help people to work through difficulties, grow in their purpose, and feel a higher quality of life.   As I carry out my purposes with family and career, I discover the more I get back. Interesting how that works; you give what you get. It’s a full circle.

Consider your purpose and place on the planet. Being connected with who you are and what you stand for can guide you as you consider changes for new habits in Energy.

An example may be losing weight to look better. A good enough reason, but it may not offer a true motive. Does gaining health and energy to enjoy children or grandchildren, or being present at weddings or graduations appear be more meaningful or valuable as your Holy Grail?

Take a quick snapshot of your life with family, friends, and other areas, both large and small. What makes you the smile, gives you joy, and describes your purpose? Define your Holy Grail.

Next week a summary of this series on:
Power Outage and Your Mental Health

Filed Under: Stress Management

Mental Energy and Mental Health

February 22, 2011 by

“Emancipate your selves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.” Bob Marley 

Remember training is necessary for Energy, whether physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. Training includes reasonable stress followed by time for recovery.    

Level three of energy is Mental. In both Mental and Emotional Energy, we over train; that is we over use (think too much or are quite emotional) and don’t allow enough recovery time. 

On the other hand, Physical and Spiritual, are generally undertrained; we don’t stress these enough. It’s notable that while physical energy is at the base and spiritual is at the top of the energy pyramid, the process of change happens in reverse order. Therefore we must address spiritual and mental issues before we can make ongoing change within the physical and emotional areas. 

Mental Energy is the fuel for skills such as concentration, mental preparation, visualization, self talk, time management and creativity. All of these deal with the thinking required for realistic optimism mentioned in last week’s blog. Our minds are constantly thinking and seem predisposed to processing in a negative way.   

Remember the Rodney Dangerfield joke? 
You: “Doc tell me what is wrong”
Dr:”OK, you are crazy”
You: “Hey wait, I want a second opinion”
Dr: “Ok, you are ugly too.” 

This is the way the brain tends to work… critical opinions, one after the other. One of the mental tasks is to notice and begin to challenge negative self talk. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is designed for that very purpose
 
James Loehr, author, Power of Full Engagement, notes the mind takes up 2% of body weight but uses 25% of oxygen. Wow! The use of oxygen speaks to the amount of energy put into thinking. 

We also know the creative mind is more active when it is in recovery, in the shower, during meditation, in nature or on that peaceful bike ride. Our most creative work is not done at work, but rather in these quiet times. Try remembering a song, or the group that did a song. It’s on the tip of your tongue, but you can’t remember it. Later as you are relaxed, not really trying to remember, there it is.

Systematic training builds mental capacity. Concentration can be improved by starting with small intervals of   5 or 10 minutes and gradually growing the time as you might physically increase weights. Then relaxing the mind is the way to recover. There is strong evidence that to be creative we must rest, in the form of meditation or a nap. (Refer tothe NASA  research in the Fatigue Counter Measure Program cited in the Loehr text,  Power of Full Engagement).

In fact, it is advisable to take a 15 minute nap every afternoon. Performance, alertness and health will improve. (Yes – tell your boss you’ve been advised to do this!)   No need to actually sleep. Just close your eyes and keep them closed for 15 minutes. When thoughts wander to work activities, just say to yourself “oh well” and get back to relaxation. If you think you may sleep too long, set an alarm or have someone interrupt. Loehr refers to this process of stress and recovery as oscillatory; he notes it is the most efficient way of using both your mind and your body. 

Loehr also writes of the plasticity of the brain. He compared physically and mentally active retired people with those that did not stay active. Those who challenged themselves physically and mentally scored up to 30% higher on cognitive tests — indicating it truly is use it or lose it. This is quite similar to the stress and recovery we need with muscles.   

Challenge the thoughts to grow. Create mental habits of stress and of recovery.   

Next week Spirituality and Energy. 

Bill

Filed Under: Stress Management

Power Outage: Emotional Energy and Mental Health

February 15, 2011 by

 “All learning has an emotional base.” Plato 

“Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.”  Brian Tracy

Over the last three weeks, you have learned the importance of mental health and physical energy, increasing the base of your physical energy and growing new energy habits.

With that base of physical energy in alignment, the next step is improving and managing emotional energy. Emotional energy includes aspects like self–confidence, empathy, trust, forgiveness, optimism, patience and self control.

When emotions are in excess, we are diminished. We know fear often compromises abilities; we know when people are watching TV they are mildly depressed; we know that ability to forgive enhances the depth of relationships and encourages healing. We can grow emotions with practice. Too much empathy and we may neglect ourselves.

How do we train in the emotional area?  Let’s look at patience. “instant everything” has amplified impatience in society. It’s up to each one of us to work on our individual patience.

To improve your patience starts with small steps. For instance, a) go to a store and check out choosing the longest line; b) let several people go in front of you at the checkout; c) buy items in two trips through two cashiers; d) wait for the train instead of going around. At times patience might be viewed as thoughtfulness.

Empathy is  understanding, being aware of and being sensitive to people around you. To improve empathy again starts with small steps. Ask yourself what others might feel in specific situations. You can even do this while watching TV and thinking of what a character may be feeling. You can consider what family or friends might feel when you have a disagreement. Then ask yourself again and again and again until you start to have a variety of ideas.

Learning any new skill takes practice. Repeat until you feel you are getting it and then do it some more. Will this be easy? Probably not! It’s the repetition that will help you improve these emotions.

It is useful to have positive emotions in our repertoire of good habits, ready to use at anytime. Key positive emotions are self-confidence, self-control, realistic optimism and empathy. Positive emotions help us enjoy life and support our energy.

The negative (fear, anger pessimism) have their place too, assisting with survival. In the big picture, these negative emotions are costly and inefficient. Your emotions affect others. Being supportive or in a good mood, helps others be more positive.

As Tony Schwartz points out in The Way we’re Working Isn’t Working, there is evidence that leaders who operate from fear or anger negatively affect the health of those a around them. Wouldn’t you like to forget some of those kinds of work days?

As with physical energy, continued overuse of emotions will equal exhaustion. When normal grief becomes prolonged, without periods of relaxation and enjoyment, depression may follow. Over using empathy can also become a problem. When people become so focused on the feelings and care of others they may neglect themselves.

Positive emotions are strengths to use freely and often. Grow those that are underdeveloped. You will find your energy increases.

Have you visited the Energy Project at www.theenergyproject.com?

Bill 

Filed Under: Stress Management
« Previous Page
Next Page »